I’m not normally a downer and I don’t usually throw myself pity parties, but today is my exception to the norm so here goes!
Does anyone else feel like their destiny in life is to just get shit on at every single turn and opportunity? I sure feel like that. All I want is to go to school. I spent my 4 years of highschool counting down the days until graduation, taking every AP class I could, studying hard because I wasn’t blessed with brains - I had to work hard for it, working 40 hrs a week because my family needed the money, and finding time to volunteer for causes that really meant something to me. After touring probably 15 college campuses Hampshire College jumped out at me; it felt like home. I applied early decision and got accepted and cried I was so happy. I could picture myself there so clearly and started a new countdown for the day I would be moving to Massachusetts. But then my financial aid letter came in and ripped out my heart, stomped on it, and told me that Hampshire College was not going to happen for me because of money -the same thing that always crushes my dreams- once again was going to hold me back.
A year later, I still haven’t found a school and I’m pretty sure it’s not meant to happen. The community colleges around me don’t have any degrees I want. I got accepted to one school I applied to, but denied from the program I wanted. I got accepted to another school but have spent 2 months calling every single ad and listing I’ve seen for housing with no luck because it’s such a small town.
For just once in my life I would LOVE to be one of those people where everything just falls into place for them, but that never happens for me. If I don’t bust my ass and work out everything on my own, it just doesn’t happen. I have had to fight and struggle for everything I have.
So today I hate my life and I’m going to pity myself and cry a little… or a lot. And hope maybe one day something will work out and I’ll be able to go back to school before I die.
Done ranting now.
